The Absolute Horrors of My Preggo Beach Bod

The Absolute Horrors of My Preggo Beach Bod

Summer vacation is a time of reflection and revelations. It’s a time of promises of what we’ll aim to do in the new (school) year and how we’ll eat more flaxseed and less donuts. It’s a time of indulgence and broken vows that this is the last time I order fries and a burger every night for dinner.

Yes, it’s all a beautiful blur of wishful thinking…except for the horrific truth that hits you during summer vacation when you are preggo for the third time and the damage is starting to show. Here are my horrific truths…

1. People tell me I look good because they feel bad for me and my cellulite-pocked butt.

2. A two-piece when you’re 6 months preggo is creepy. I mean, who wants to see your unborn son’s foot protruding out of the side of your belly? Ummm, not me. Even if it’s my own child!

3. I am unable to see the hair on my legs or bikini line let alone reach them with a razor to remove them.

4. It really isn’t the end of the world if I pee once in the pool. Okay, more than once. Kids do it so what’s the issue?

5. My up-and-coming varicose veins are at the early stages and still look like bruises so I will convince myself that they are until I have an action plan on what to do about them.

6. The sun and my preggo hormones are no longer friends. I am somewhat mottled with awkward freckles everywhere except a place where they would look cute.

7. There is nothing tight and fit about the days I’ve spent at the beach this summer…except for my lips right before I tell my toddler to dismount her baby brother.

It’s not a big deal and I know it’s all for the sake of the bump and the kids and having some good summer-sun-filled memories, but nexttttt summer is going to be a whole different deal. I’m going to be that tanned and fit mom of three who looks oh-so together at the beach.

Or I could just accept that those days are over and hold myself back from losing my shit as I watch my daughter rub vanilla ice cream all over her brother as though it’s sun screen. True story. And yes, I rinsed him off in the pool. Like you wouldn’t have done the same?



  1. August 31, 2016 / 2:57 pm

    Ahhhha thank you for the laugh today!! Vanilla ice cream as sunscreen is probably 50+SPF! (That statement has no scientific back-up.)

    • September 7, 2016 / 3:51 pm

      I think you’re right though…at least it should!

  2. Anna
    September 12, 2016 / 9:36 pm

    I am just loving you blog. I feel that it is preparing me for my life of sarcasm filled motherhood, whenever that day may come.

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