I remember trying to catch fevers from my brother and sister, kids and school and well, anyone. Hugging each other super tightly and praying a rash would turn into chicken pox. I swear I used to put a boiling kettle on my forehead just to make it feel like I had a fever of 105 so that when my mom’s lips made contact with my forhead she would say something like “no no no….how are you going to school?” to which I would squint my eyes and nod like a helpless puppy and ask “can I watch cartoons?”
Replace school with work and I swear this entire scenario carried out through highschool.
Ways to appear sick when you’re not
1. Cough loudly and on people
2. Squint your eyes and think about something sad because watery eyes are a clear telltale sign of being sick.
3. Say you don’t have an appetite, people will think you have a stomach bug
4. Keep asking for tissues, Kleenex or something to blow your nose with. Look frantic while asking.
5. Ask anyone within a 20 foot radius of you if they think you have a fever.
I’ve gotten a few flus this season but mama’s sympathy is nowhere near what it used to be as a child. It’s just not as cool anymore because you not only have to take care of yourself but a whole household of people and lists of things and stuff that somehow gets caught in the pipeline of production DOES THAT MAKE SENSE before you can say “bless you” to yourself after an especially aggressive and violently loud sneeze.
I want to teach my kids to enjoy every sick day and look of sympathy they get and wonder to myself which one will lick the mug doused with bacteria from their sibling’s strep throat. Who’s gonna remind me of me and make me proud with their ingenious way of trying to grab reins of that bacteria. My money’s on the baby who’s already putting everything in his mouth. #occupationalhazard