I’m an amazing mom. I really am. I change poop and sing the wheels on the bus non-stop. I even have my own original dance moves to go with every line. I make sure she’s well fed and on most days I answer when she shrieks “MOMMMMEEE COME!” Whether or not she’s clothed and dressed is an entirely different issue. But before I am judged for letting my daughter run around half dressed with no shoes on, I need a round of applause. An award, really. So, cue the drum roll please:…. I take my daughter to a mommy and me music class. Yes, probably the most painful 45 minutes you will ever spend in your life!
We’ve all heard of, complained about, or attended one of these classes. Endured the singing, mouthed along and plastered on a fake enthusiastic grin when our little ones glance over at us to see if we too, are having as much fun as them. That same smile is plastered on when my little one turns to see if I too also find Ollie the owl to be absolutely hilarious when he thinks he’s lost his tail. Yup, funny every time, kiddo. Shoot me. So, because a part of me was feeling oh-so guilty about hating going, I thought I would make a list. That’s right, a list of the thoughts that run through my head during these classes.
So here they are:
1) I’m beginning to think they have a ‘no shoe’ policy to see who has the most mangled toes and whose French pedicure is still fresh from this morning’s touch up.
2) Why don’t they have a mommy and baby manicurist class? You know, where you can see your child through the glass window where you are enjoying a spa-mani-pedi as she belts out “The Wheels on the Bus” with 8 other toddlers.
3) Why have only five minutes gone by?
4) These are precious moments that will be gone before I know it. 43 minutes left.
5) I really hope she appreciates this, I mean there’s really a lot better things I could be doing with my time.
6) I wonder if having my toenails pulled off would be less painful or an equal form of torture.
7) I didn’t sign up for this. I mean I did…my name is on the registry but I didn’t really “sign up for this,” if you know what I mean.
8) How bad would it be if I brought my mini iPad next week or better yet, sent her alone?
9) Note to self: make sure your iPhone is fully charged before the next class. Who said you can’t sing and shop. Multitasking is my new forte!
10) I love how the teacher seems to think she’s auditioning for The Voice? I swear I sound better in the shower.
11) Halfway through. Just another 30 minutes to go of this crap.
12) God, what a total waste of time…I totally need to start my own mommy and me class.
13) Would the other moms judge me if I brought in a flask?
14) Our generation is absolutely ridiculous about these classes … did our parents endure this torture?
15) For the price of these classes, I could have totally paid for a round trip to Florence.
I really deserve a pat on the back, a high five, and a cookie. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t so bad. After all, I do have 6 days to recover before the next class. Ugh. If you’re anxious and you know it clap your hands!