I love you on most days but today I hate you. Yes, we were childhood sweethearts, we held hands and kissed and you proposed. Now we’re married with a two year old and a two week old, and I can honestly say I hate you at the moment. I can also say it without girl swatting you or crying. And no, not for one or two good reasons, it’s really more irrationally complex than that.
When I was pregnant I hated you for the following reasons:
1. You sleep in when I can’t. Most days when I look over at your rested face snoozing away I just want to punch you but I hold myself back because that would mean you would wake up and I’d rather not deal with you.
2. You still fit into your jeans. I have shoved my skinny jeans somewhere in the back of my closet and who knows if or when they’re ever going to see the light of day again!
3. You can still enjoy a glass of white wine and sushi but think it’s cute if you keep looking over at me saying, “awwww…you’re probably craving these things right?” Wow, I love it when you point out the obvious. No, that’s not annoying at all.
Today, post delivery, I hate you because:
1. You can pick up our toddler with ease when I’m still trying to recover from two incisions after emergency surgery. Yup, two.
2. You don’t have issues when you cough or sneeze or laugh. By “issues” I mean excruciating pain and some urine.
3. Your vocabulary is not dumbed down to the following three words, “leak, baby and uh-oh”
And so, in the hopes that this is just a phase, and that I will learn to love you again, I have written you (maybe more for myself) this little letter.