Ahhh it’s that time of year again. Everything is all “holiday talk” and pumpkin spice latte stained. I love it but it’s also a hell of a lot of pressure. And all that pressure is on… you Mom, to get or make or steal a costume and decorate the hell out of your house. I don’t believe in judging but I can tell what type of mom you are based on your kid’s costume. And it’s okay because I am frankly envious of anyone who can sew anything more than a button. Take the mini quiz and figure out which one you are!
1) It’s Oct 30th and you are busy:
a) waiting for your turn in the ER because you overdid it with the glue gun and are now waiting for the skin and burn specialist
b) joining Amazon Prime and praying that mermaid costume turns up by 1pm
c) burning down your house to avoid the inevitable comparison-fest of the neighborhood parade. A blackened shell gets more sympathy or could be construed as the most awesome haunted house ever
2) It’s November 1st and you can’t get out of bed because you’re:
a) so exhausted from handing out a body bag’s worth of candy
b) scrambling around trying to get a group of kids together to walk around in their costumes again you know, because you totally forgot that Halloween was last night
c) phoning your insurance company
3) Scrolling through the photos on your phone on November 1st you can’t help but cringe:
a) when you see how many before-and-after shots, screenshots, and Pinterest-worthy photos you have. So what if you had to delete some newborn baby pictures to capture how a woman turned her whole house into a dragon’s belly complete with treasure?
b) at final photos of personal items now lost in the neighborhood from that witch’s costume you pulled together out of your broom, your cat, your black tie event black gown, your jewelry, and your high heels
c) at the charred sooty mess your phone is now
Mostly A’s: Bigger better badder
The I-started-in-August type of mom. You really get into Halloween and believe that this is a way to show your child how much you love them. You know, even though you might get a tad tetchy when they won’t stand still while you measure their extended arm length so the devil’s pitchfork is a perfect height for the photos. She’s competitive only with herself but dammit she needs to outdo that ghoul-rising-out-of-balsam-wood-coffin costume from last year.
Mostly B’s: Practical but Imaginative
Ahhh, the balanced one who whips something up from her arts & crafts cupboard on October 30th to everyone’s delight. Every mama thinks she is this woman but the actual statistic proves that only 1 in 469 is. So basically one mom per elementary school. Yeah, you want to take a chance the day before Hallowe’en that you can wing it?
Mostly C’s: It’s Halloween time, already?
This mama doesn’t waste time or good money on this silly event. Or any event. Birthdays are a homemade cupcake or a Starbucks muffin. So she convinces her kids to wear what they wore in 2012. The intention is there, she just feels that her time and brain power could be better used elsewhere like researching science summer camps for her baby who showed a keen interest in how things work by chewing the Apple TV remote.
Whatever type of mom you are, please remember to let your little ones indulge just a bit with the candy and costumes and don’t be so hard on yourself either. After all, whiskers take a few seconds to draw on your kid’s face and boom, she’s a cat.