There’s preggo brain and then there’s put-that-down-come-here-where’s-your-other-shoe-we’re-late-oh-no-baby’s-crying dealing with two kids brain. The latter is much worse because you’re expected to have it together by the time your second baby rolls out. “Cruise control” is what one mom told me it would be. I have since changed her name in my phone to “Compulsive Liar.” Having a second child means that you have more to-dos and less time. This lethal combination is a cue for breakdowns and scheduled ugly cries.
I’m not quite sure what happened between my first (my daughter who just turned two years old) and my second (my one-month-old son). Things were manageable when I was pregnant. I could put my daughter to bed and pick her up with no wailing baby in my arms. I didn’t have to repeatedly ask if she had washed her hands because she wanted to make sure “baby real” by poking him in the eye. (Don’t worry, the eye infection your newborn will get from your toddler’s filthy fingers can be treated with eye drops.) I forgot how to breastfeed, forgot that you had to burp a newborn, and really forgot how little sleep they let you have. So, I’ve taken the liberty to jot a few of these things down, you know… before I forget.
Here they are – 19 things you forget somewhere between having your first and second child. I’m not exactly sure where you lose these epiphany gems that every mom realizes around month four of her first child’s life, but they’re long gone by the time baby#2 comes around.
- Just how annoying Barney’s voice can be.
- To burp your newborn when out at the brunch your husband has organized in honor of you and why you’re such a great mom.
- You’ll also forget to wear waterproof mascara and end up with streaks across your face when the waiter brings you a decaf cappuccino instead of a chai latte.
- Schedules and the derailing that comes from feeding at 5:00 versus 5:15.
- How much you value showering.
- Hair clips and how important they are for disguising stinky hair when you drop your toddler at nursery while your newborn clutches at your right boob.
- Why you liked Gina Ford.
- Why you hated Gina Ford.
- That the smell of baby vomit stays infused in your nostrils for days unless you use strong detergent as a nasal spray.
- How much energy/patience/test of your sanity it takes to dress a toddler when you hear the newborn’s woken up and is wailing.
- How much energy/patience/test of your sanity it takes to dress a newborn when you’re trying to convince your toddler she needs to wear shoes!
- How you high five yourself for getting to pee alone with no one banging on the bathroom door.
- Why sleep is crucial in lowering divorce rates.
- How important water is. Yes, it’s great for breast milk but will also help keep you awake when you need to drive, for instance, or function.
- How many laundry loads a newborn requires.
- What normal newborn poop looks like. Yes, the seeds are normal.
- That having gas for a newborn is the equivalent to you getting your foot run over.
- That lullabies are mostly for you and your sanity and less for your wailing newborn. If anything, getting your iPod to work while you shush and sway him is unnecessary stress.
- Your messed-up version of the nursery rhymes that makes you laugh: “Mary had a little lamb whose fleas were white as snow.”
Sure you may have completely forgotten how to breast feed (latch and all), burp, coo, and woo at your newborn with expressive facial movements. You may also have forgotten how to swaddle, change, and bathe him, or how much soap to use. But somewhere between your first and second bambino you’ll remember that you just have to take a deep breathe and handle it … day by day.