15 Things I Still Don’t Get as a Mama

1. Barney.
2. Elmo’s creepy voice.
3. Why running barefoot is more fun.
4. How your hair gets so knotty in the space of 12 hours.
5. Why brushing your teeth seems as bad as every tooth being yanked out.
6. The infatuation with the toilet. Throwing things inside, flushing it… hanging around it. Basically everything except using it as a place to do poopoo and peepee.
7. Why blowing out a candle is fun. Yes, even the 19th time.
8. In what language “hot” means “touch now.”
9. Why sharing is suchhhh a fucking issue.
10. Why you think it’s funny to mix egg and peanut butter.
11. Why you can’t understand who Santa is friends with.
12. Why I still buy paper when we have so many pretty white walls to write on. With a sharpie.
13. The curiosity with tasting sand.
14. And rubbing the same sand on mama’s scalp.
15. Why you think playing hide and seek once means we’ll play it for three hours solid.

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